on headers, Wales, populations, and castles

when you can't write (because your brain is still fried from the idea of moving in the near future) play with your blog headers.

obviously, you've seen the new one for this blog. here's the one for the Eldala blog. i was able to purchase the image on Shutterstock so i could use it with a clear conscience. i still think it's cool that the castle i chose for my fantasy world is Conwy Castle in Wales, especially since i partially based Teleria on Wales.

now, i didn't actually know i was basing it on Wales until i went looking for a country that was approximately the same size so i could calculate Teleria's size. i had to calculate the size so i could determine the population so i could determine how large an army Teleria could support because there was going to be a war.

(when you start writing fantasy, you have no idea it's going to turn you into an expert on your make-believe country, or that you're going to have to calculate populations, distances, weather, etc.)

so, here's my map of Teleria. (my then seven-year-old son drew the outline and i filled in everything else. both boys helped me come up with some of the names.)
















and here's a map of Wales. not exactly the same, but close enough to help with populations and distances.

and if, after all this rambling, you were curious about the story, you can always go to my Eldala blog and read the first 6 chapters for free.

now, where can i find images of Steven Waddington and Adrian Paul that i can purchase and use here? hmmmmmm

Eldala Review

i always love getting good reviews. here's another from a new reader:

Can't wait for the sequel!

I absolutely loved Eldala. It quickly drew me in and kept me interested. I was amazed at how she wove together magic, mystery, romance, passion and honor to create a fascinating story. I was sad as I approached the end because I knew I'd miss the characters. I do miss them and am really looking forward to the sequel. Thanks for the delightful and therapeutic read Michelle!

for other reviews, exerpts, trivia, and character pictures, you can go to my Eldala blog.

why i'll never sell to a publisher and a guest post at Brooklyn Scribbler

this week, Lisa J. Yarde (a.k.a. The Brooklyn Scribbler) is celebrating "Happy Independents Week" by putting up follow-up posts to her series from last year on independent publishing. today she put up a post i did here back in December about being true to who i am. i thought it would tie in well to the follow-up post i wanted to do for "on staging a house and why i will never sell my book to a publisher"

all that said, i'm having trouble being true to who i am. this has been a difficult post to write. i know it's because i've been worrying about what people might think when they read it.

and therein lies the problem with my writing in general. i worry a lot about what people think. i'm very sensitive to criticism. i wish i could be detached and unemotional. i wish i could just "get over it." if i could grow the "thick skin" that every writer needs, i would. believe me, it would make my life so much easier.

but this is who i am. a Highly Sensitive Person. and many thanks to Olivia J. Herrell for reminding me of that in her post about HSPs. as she quotes Pearl S. Buck...

 To him (an HSP)...
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.

i can't just "get over it." i can't be detached. my skin is about as thick as it's going to get.

but if i'm going to finish my sequel, i'm going to have to stop worrying about what people think. i'm going to have to ignore the writer's rule that says think about your reader.

the problem i've had all during the writing of my sequel is that i have been thinking about my readers. there are a lot of people who read Eldala and liked it (still a surprise to me). there are a lot of people waiting for the sequel. (it's been 4 years since i published Eldala. some of them have been waiting a long time.) i know there are expectations.

as i wrote the first few drafts of the sequel, my mind was plagued with questions.
"will they like the story i decided to tell?"
"will they notice that my writing has changed and will they like my new style?"
"what will they think of the story arc and the characters?"
"will they think i've changed Arathor and Tiana too much as compared to what they were in Eldala?"
"will they be angry with me at what i have to put my characters through?"

excuse my language, but damn. how can a writer, especially an HSP writer, be true to herself and her writing with questions like those pressing in on her? how could i possibly write the story i need to write when pleasing my readers is all i think about, almost to the point of being obsessive?

honestly, i wish i could be like my 9 year old daughter. she doesn't care what anyone thinks when she writes. she says she writes for the pure joy of it. i want to go back to that. writing for me and my kids was my mantra as i wrote Eldala. somewhere between the two stories, i forgot that. i thought more about pleasing readers than pleasing myself. heck, i cared more about what my crit partners thought than what i thought. (not to blame my crit partners. i dearly love you all. this is my stuff, not yours.)

when i got to the end of the last draft, i hated my story. when i tried to start the next draft a few months ago, i couldn't make myself write. granted, i was in the middle of getting my house ready to sell, so my brain was a little distracted, but i'm convinced that the ideas wouldn't come because i cared more about pleasing my readers and crit partners than i cared about pleasing myself.

what i've discovered about myself as a writer is that if i don't write the story for me, the ideas are forced. the writing is forced. i end up with a story i absolutely despise. so you can see why i never want to hand my story over to an agent or publisher.

now, i want you to know i'm not condemning my friends or any other writer who pursues publishing for whatever reason. i'm also not saying that writing for your readers is a bad thing. we have to write the best story we can and use all the writing tools at our disposal. i'll still submit my final drafts to crit partners and proofreaders so i don't put out junk. i'll just put up boundaries for myself as to what i want critiqued and what i'm willing to change or not change.

all that to finally say that just like staging my house so it would sell in a tight market felt fake and made me very uncomfortable, staging my book for a publisher so it could sell in the tight book market would be worse. i know i'm making assumptions, but having gone through this process with one of my dearest writing friends, i imagine i would have to make more concessions and compromises to keep the publisher happy than i'm willing to make. i would have to change the story to make it marketable, and although there would be parts of my story in there, it wouldn't be my story anymore. 

if anything, i try to be honest in the way i live and in the way i write. to put out a book that's not me would go against everything i believe. maybe that sounds conceited or rigid or even narcissitic. i don't know. at this point i don't care. i know there's a story inside me that has to be written. i haven't let it out because i've cared more about the opinions and ideas of others than i've cared about my own. it has to come out sometime. it will never come if i don't write the story that i love.   

the beauty of Smashwords and Lulu

is that i can set the price of my book and make up discounts whenever i want. so, for the month of May, i've discounted Eldala on Smashwords to $1.99. it's available in these e-formats:

Online Reading (HTML)
Online Reading (JavaScript)
Kindle (.mobi) 
Epub
PDF
RTF
LRF (for Sony Reader)
Palm Doc (PDB) (for Palm reading devices) 

go to Eldala's Smashwords page and enter coupon code LQ89P at check out.

if you prefer having an actual book in your hands, i've discounted Eldala on Lulu 30%. for the month of May it will be $13.99.

of course, it's still available in Kindle on Amazon, and also in paperback. however, if you purchase the paperback on Amazon, you'll get the first version instead of the new and improved version.

another review OR the cool thing about being a writer

when i started writing, i never imagined all the great people i'd meet, especially other writers. the connections i make always surprise me.

the other day, i was checking my Facebook home page and came across a link to a novel called Fins, by Ashley Knight. seeing it was a mermaid story peaked my interest. i love mermaid stories. i followed the link to Ashley's website, read the first two chapters, and was hooked. that led me to downloading a copy onto my Kindle for PC and i spent the next couple of days devouring this book. (when i get the chance, i'll put up a review).

in the meantime, i'd "friended" Ashley on Facebook and we started chatting. i discovered that we have a few things in common. when i finished Fins, i sent her a message to let her know i'd enjoyed it and then told her that some things in her novel reminded me of Eldala - heart connections, shared dreams, a main character who finds out she's more than she thought she was...

that led to Ashley downloading a copy of Eldala. when she finished reading, she wrote a review for me. i've posted it on my Eldala blog. i can see a new friendship forming here. makes me glad i started writing.

review of Eldala by Margo Berendsen

new blogging and writing friend Margo Berendsen of Writing at High Altitude posted a great review on Goodreads. many thanks, Margo.

a review of Eldala that goes straight to my heart

when i hear that someone has posted a review of Eldala, i get a little nervous. no matter how many good reviews i get, one bad one can make me want to quit writing.

this time was different. when Olivia Herrell of That Rebel With a Blog told me she'd posted a review, i wasn't worried about what she would say because she'd already told me on Facebook, "I am firmly entrenched in Eldala and am having a hard time putting it down. Just wanted you to know that I LOVE IT! :)" i love those kinds of comments.

i always hope that Eldala will either encourage or enlighten, but what Olivia said made me a little weepy (if you don't know by now, i'm a romantic at heart). i won't spill the beans here about what she said - you'll just have to hop on over to read her post - Eldala, Heart of my Heart (appropriately named, i think).

so, Olivia, you're welcome, and i thank you for your encouraging review. you've made my week.

my kind of magic - exerpt from Eldala

(the blogfest starts today, but it's not too late to sign up. Tessa will accept entries until midnight of March 27th.)

when i set out to write Eldala, i didn't intend to have magic be part of the story. it just kind of happened. in my Telerian world, there are several kinds of magic, some inherited and some that's passed on. there's the magic of the native people, the Baraca. they can have a heart connection with the person they marry. there's the magic of the mystics, something that's passed on to their apprentices. they can see all possible futures and share those visions when necessary. then there's the magic that the kings have inherited from their ancestors. my main character, Kieran, has this kind of magic.

here are two scenes with Kieran and his father, King Arathor. the first is Arathor telling him how being a descendant of Alardin makes him different, and how a Keldar stone from Alardin's country of origin can enhance his abilities. the next is Kieran deciding whether or not he's going to use the stone to fight a freak storm that could stop him from doing what he has to do to win back his kingdom. 

on a side note, the Keldar stones play a large part in my sequel, Black Heart.

scene 1

(Arathor gave Kieran his first lesson in using a sword and Kieran quit.)

“What happened back there?” Arathor asked.


Kieran put on his shirt and looked out over the unsettled sea.


“Did you think this would be easy?”
 Kieran fixed his eyes on the waves. They weren’t the only things churning. “I don’t know what I thought.”


“It takes most men years to become proficient swordsmen.”
 “Most men? What does that mean?”


“You’re not ‘most men.’ The blood of Alardin flows through you. It fills every part of you.”


Kieran wiped the sweat from his face and looked at Arathor, his eyes narrowing.


“Haven’t you ever wondered why you’re an exceptional blacksmith, even better than Kale?”


“Once in a while.”


“It’s the blessing of Alardin, giving you greater abilities than other men.”


“How does being Alardin’s descendant give me special abilities?”


“Because Alardin came from a line of enchanted kings.”


“It just seems too fantastic that anyone could be enchanted or have special powers.”


Arathor stood and said, “Kel-lema menan-dai kah-gish tehai.” Kieran jumped as a wall of flames hotter than his forge rose up around them. The sweat poured from his face, down his neck, and over his chest. Kieran looked at Arathor but he did nothing.


Kieran was no stranger to fire, but this fire was different. He had no control over it.


The flames grew in height and intensity. Kieran winced as a tongue of flame licked his shoulder. His nose wrinkled at the familiar odor of singed hair. He didn’t think he could take much more. Finally, Arathor said, “Kel-lema menan-dai mah-rog.” Immediately the flames died, leaving a ring of scorched stones around them. Kieran let out the breath he’d unknowingly held in.


Arathor mopped his brow and sat. Kieran washed his face in the waves and then returned to the king. It took him a few minutes to express his thoughts. “That was…I’ve never seen anything like that.”


“I use it only when necessary.”


Standing this close to Arathor, Kieran noticed a blue light glowing through Arathor’s shirt.


“What’s that?” he asked, pointing.


Arathor pushed back his collar so Kieran could get a better look. “It’s my Keldar stone. Alardin brought several of these from the volcanic mountains of Keldar in Benalia.”


The flat, round stone was silvery-blue and moved with Arathor’s skin. Kieran couldn’t help but touch it. A strange warmth flowed out of it and up Kieran’s arm. Kieran pulled his hand away.


Arathor pulled something out of his pocket and gave it to Kieran. Kieran saw a round blue stone on the end of an intricately woven but heavy silver chain. “This is your Keldar stone. I’ve been saving it for you. If you wear it, it will enhance your abilities, and you’ll be able to speak with me over long distances. If you choose to make it part of yourself, it cannot be removed.”


Kieran held the stone up to the light. He could just make out something that looked like a small flame burning inside of it. He put the stone in his pocket. He would have to think about wearing it.

scene 2

(Kieran has accepted the fact that he's the next king, and that he has these abilities. now he faces a storm brought on by the false ruler, Ciara.)

“This is Ciara’s doing.”


Toren was the first to put words to what Kieran had been thinking for the last few days. Despite the fact that it was almost summer, snow had been coming down for days. At first, they’d all thought it was a surprise storm. But now it was apparent that this was probably an enchanted blizzard.


“If it keeps up,” Riordan said, “we won’t be able to get to Barpeta until next month.”


“I think Kieran could do something about it,” Gilrain said.


Starting small fires and causing a tree to bud were one thing. But what Gilrain was suggesting was beyond Kieran’s abilities. And besides, he hadn’t practiced using his enchantments since leaving Koridoc.


Rather than argue with Gilrain, Kieran went outside. Many of the drifts came up to his waist. As he stood looking over the endless field of white, fears he didn’t want to admit swirled in his head like snow flurries.


He wasn’t thinking about Arathor, but suddenly his father was in his mind, once again sensing his thoughts.


You knew this kind of thing could happen. When you walk in who you are, you will be opposed. (this is one of my favorite lines, by the way.)


I just didn’t expect it to come so soon.


You’ll have to be on your guard from now on.


I’ve never done anything this big.


The spell you’ll have to use will take more than your natural abilities. You’ll have to absorb the Keldar stone.


Most of the time Kieran ignored the Keldar stone, just like the ring. He had never quite decided if he wanted to make it part of himself. He knew that if he did, he could never go back to his old life. Becoming one with the stone would change him forever.

to read more about Eldala, visit my Eldala website. there you can find character pictures, trivia, and the first six chapters. there are also teasers for Eldala's sequel, Black Heart.

a lovely review for Eldala and the handing out of awards

it always amazes me when someone likes my book. i wonder why that is. maybe because i don't believe in myself? could be, but this isn't really the time to analyze my foibles. this post is about a kind review from my blogging friend Donna Hole. you can read it at her blog: Eldala Review

in the same post, she hands out the Friends for the Journey award. (yes, it's become an award. there's no controlling something once you've sent it out into the world wide web. it kind of takes on a life of its own. i have to let it go.) Christine handed it out a few days ago and i forgot to mention it.

if you want to see who's received this so far, i've kept track on my "friends for the journey" page. (yet another way to put off writing. who knew there were so many?) click on the tab under my giraffes.

read Eldala for free

so maybe you've read my posts about Eldala, or you've visited my Eldala blog and read the first six chapters. maybe the story sounds intriguing. maybe you've toyed with the idea of buying it, but decided you weren't ready to commit your money to an unknown author.

i understand. i've thought the same thing about books by authors i've met through blogging. what if i download their book and don't like it? even at $5.99 or less, i don't want to waste my money.

here's your opportunity to take a chance on me for free.

during "Read an E-book week," you can click here and download Eldala for free. all you have to do is enter the coupon code listed on my novel's Smashwords page at checkout. you can get it in just about every digital form possible from Kobo to  Kindle to .rtf and .doc, and everything in between.

once you get there, you might want to peruse the other titles. i know that Lisa Yarde's historical novel On Falcon's Wings is free this week. so is Kristie Cook's paranormal romance Promise. her sequel Purpose is 50% off.

if those don't catch your fancy, i saw 1143 pages of free or discounted books there. you could discover a new author and want more.

at those prices, what have you go to lose?

interview for Loving the Reviews Challenge and a little bit about me

my turn is up today at Loving the Reviews Challenge. you can read the interview on Brandi's blog to find out where i got my idea for Eldala, which characters i'd want to have dinner with, which ones i'd avoid, and what my super power would be if i could have one. Brandi is also giving away a free copy of Eldala.

for those of you stopping by for the first time, welcome to beautiful chaos, and here's a little bit about me.

- i'm sure you've noticed that i don't capitalize on my blog and i explain why in this post.

- i've been making up stories ever since i was a little girl but gave it up when i had to write essays and essay tests in college. i rediscovered my passion for storytelling in 2005 with the writing of Eldala, and the stories have been pouring out ever since.

- i'm an indie author, meaning i'm not looking for an agent, editor, or publisher, and i publish my books myself. among other reasons for going this route, i like the control i have over my story, my title, my cover art, and my deadlines. on the downside, i have to do everything when it comes to publishing my novels, or hire it out.

it's a hard road, but i don't think it's any harder than what my writing friends have to go through with submissions and rejections and pitches to agents. despite the difficulties, i wouldn't give up the indie author/publishing route for anything.

- i love to write fantasy. i used to say that i wrote fantasy because i like making up my facts, but since my novels take place in a medieval type world, i still have to do research to make them believable. now i realize that i write fantasy because i like the freedom i have to put other-worldy elements in my story, like heart connections and the ability to manipulate nature, etc.

- i always write romance into my stories. i'm a sucker for love stories and happy endings, especially when the characters have to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds to find love.

- i'm forty-eight, have been married to a wonderful man for 24 years, and homeschool my three creative and fun-to-be-around kids (16, 15, and 9).

- my passion is to encourage people--especially moms and teens--to follow their dreams, be they dreams of writing, getting published, dancing, painting, or whatever.

- i love hummingbirds, cats, dogs, butterflies, giraffes, cheetahs, and octopi. interesting combination of animals now that i think of it.

so that's me, in a few random bytes. for other random bytes, you can go to my "get to know me" tab at the top of the blog.

the making of a novel

we all have our own ways of writing. here's mine: The Writing of a Novel or What the heck does her author status mean?

i love it when people give my book away

i know, i should be trying to get Eldala sold, not given away, but to be honest, i've given away more copies than i've sold, at least in person. saying, "i'd like to give you this" is so much easier than saying, "wanna buy it?" i tell myself with every batch of books i order that i'm not going to give them away. i'm going to sell and recover some of my costs. but then i give them away.

so of course i'm thrilled that my dear friend Christine at The Writer's Hole and my new friend Brandi of Blkosiner's Blog are both giving away copies of Eldala. see their respective blogs for details on how you can win.

and once their giveaways are over, i might be giving away some of those proof copies i bought--yeah, the ones that have a chapter heading at the bottom of a page, probably because i was bleary-eyed when i proofed the updated version before i uploaded to Lulu for printing.

teaser Tuesday

while reading another blog, i realized i haven't posted anything from my work in progress, Black Heart. and posting this is so much easier than actually working on it, so here goes.

warning 1 -- there's one spoiler here, but it's a spoiler for Eldala, so if you haven't read that one yet and don't want to know how things go, don't read this.

warning 2 -- i'd rate this PG because it's suggestive, but not overly.

warning 3 -- this is from my 2nd draft, so this isn't my best writing, but i still like it. i'm pretty sure this scene will make it into the final novel.

to set up the scene, it's about halfway through Black Heart. Kieran and Jessa (my two main characters from Eldala) have been married now for seven years. as passionate as they are for each other, life with kids and the responsibility of running a country can get in the way of marital actvities. this is the first chance they've had to be together in quite some time.

(don't these two look good together?)

Just as Jessa had instructed, a servant had set a tub of steaming water next to the hearth. She set about lighting candles to give the room a golden glow. When she heard the door open and close, a shimmer of heat went through her. She turned around and watched Kieran walk towards her. He lifted his shirt over his head and she drew in a breath. Her husband was the most handsome man in Teleria.

When he reached her, there was a predatory gleam in his eye. She swallowed, suddenly feeling as shy as she had on her wedding night. He took her hand and kissed her fingers one by one, slowly moving over her palm and then across her wrist. His simple touch was enough to make her nearly collapse in a heap.

He pushed her sleeve up and let his lips travel across her unexpectedly sensitive arm. She took in a quick breath when he moved her bodice off her shoulder and kissed his way across her collarbone. As he pulled her closer, she splayed her hands across his chest, loving the way his hardened muscles moved under her fingers.

“I love you, Jess,” he whispered. His lips and beard nuzzled behind her ear, while his hands unfastened her braid. He threaded his fingers through her loose hair and let out a long breath. “You’re so beautiful.”

“And I love you, but you need a bath.”

His quirked one eyebrow. “And you’ll be the one to give it to me?”

“Unless you want one of the servants…”

“No, but I think you should join me.”

“I will.” She gave him a teasing smile. “Eventually.”

Eldala now on Nook

in an effort to get Eldala in as many places as possible and still maintain my sanity and writing time, i uploaded it to the Barnes and Noble Nook site. it was up within 12 hours.

Eldala on Nook

expectations

warning: the following thoughts are so random even my head is shaking. that's just the way this day has been.

it started with a post on facebook: "why are first lines so hard? is it because i'm a perfectionist?" a friend posted this link in response: Famous First Words on NPR. i read through them. they were all great. and they all said to me, "your first line will suck."

i can think of about ten different openings for my first chapter. each of them could be good. how will i figure out which one to use? which one will be great? i already have a gripping prologue (in my opinion), so the first chapter's first scene doesn't have to be gripping. maybe i should roll a die or draw a scene number out of a hat and just live with it. thank goodness i have crit partners who can tell me if i made a good choice.

there's a problem with having learned how to write: i've let the "shoulds" and rules, etc. dictate how to tell my story when i already know how to write a story. can i trust myself to write another one? or will i worry about keeping my readers happy?

honestly, even though writing Eldala was about the hardest project i ever undertook, it was a whole lot easier because i wasn't consciously trying to keep people happy or live up to imagined expectations. i will try to ignore them now but i know it won't be easy. nor will it be easy to ignore the expectations i have for myself.

heaven help me...literally.

finally on Kindle

3 years of thinking about it and now my book is finally up on Kindle. many thanks again to Lisa J. Yarde and Kristie Cook for the walk-thrus, advice, and generally holding my hand as i fussed and whined.

proof copies coming today

a day earlier than expected. i don't know why i'm so excited. i've had copies of Eldala come here numerous times. maybe it's because they're proof copies of the revision? maybe i'm a little nervous, hoping the formatting turned out ok, hoping the cover turned out ok so i can quickly approve it and have it up for sale? i don't know.

of course, it means going over it again to proofread for errors. but honestly, if i find just two or three, i'm not fixing them, or uploading a new version because that means buying another proof copy, etc. (crossing my fingers here.)

and all this while i'm reformatting to upload for Kindle conversion. which means reading thru it on the computer... again.

what fun.

and why did i post this? who knows.

Eldala giveaway

on top of everything else, Kristie is giving away a copy of Eldala via Twitter. to quote her from Facebook...

"Interesting...Tristan enjoyed Michelle D. Gregory 's Eldala so much, he wants to give a copy away. It must be all that sword fighting and sparring. It'll be to one of his Twitter followers, so be sure you follow him @tristan_knight Winner announced tonight."

i mean with a last name like Knight, no wonder he liked it. almost makes me want to break my vow to never go on Twitter, just to see what Tristan would tweet about.

a lovely surprise

i knew that Kristie Cook was doing posts about other bloggers; i didn't know she'd be mentioning me today, so it was with some surprise that i saw my name attached to her blog post on my facebook home page.

thank you for the post, dear Kristie. i had a great time being one of your beta readers for Purpose and helping you get it ready for publication - another one of those amazing things i can hardly believe has happened since i started writing.

you can read the post here: Meet Michelle Gregory