expectations

warning: the following thoughts are so random even my head is shaking. that's just the way this day has been.

it started with a post on facebook: "why are first lines so hard? is it because i'm a perfectionist?" a friend posted this link in response: Famous First Words on NPR. i read through them. they were all great. and they all said to me, "your first line will suck."

i can think of about ten different openings for my first chapter. each of them could be good. how will i figure out which one to use? which one will be great? i already have a gripping prologue (in my opinion), so the first chapter's first scene doesn't have to be gripping. maybe i should roll a die or draw a scene number out of a hat and just live with it. thank goodness i have crit partners who can tell me if i made a good choice.

there's a problem with having learned how to write: i've let the "shoulds" and rules, etc. dictate how to tell my story when i already know how to write a story. can i trust myself to write another one? or will i worry about keeping my readers happy?

honestly, even though writing Eldala was about the hardest project i ever undertook, it was a whole lot easier because i wasn't consciously trying to keep people happy or live up to imagined expectations. i will try to ignore them now but i know it won't be easy. nor will it be easy to ignore the expectations i have for myself.

heaven help me...literally.