Amalia at Good to Begin Well is hosting a Dream Sequence Blogfest on June 4. since i'm going to be madly packing for my trip to Glen Eyrie tomorrow, i'll post today.
Blackheart (my sequel to Eldala) has a lot of dream sequences. it's just part of the story and how it works. it was hard to pick one, especially one that didn't give too much away, but this was one of my favorites.
(after all the positive comments and suggestions, i should tell you that this is something the reader will know has happened in the past, and after it's over, Arathor does wake up.)
The sword tip dug into Arathor’s neck.
“Will you yield?”
How had he gotten himself into this position? Only his father could get the better of him in a sword fight. He tried to bring his sword up, but a booted foot held it to the ground. When he tried to move away, his opponent’s sword nicked him. A thin line of blood trickled down his neck. His eyes darted up to see his opponent giving him an odd smirk.
“I said, will you yield?”
He looked up at the dark eyes, the playful fringe of hair around her face, and gave Tiana his own smirk.
“To you, m’lady, I will always yield.”
He batted the sword away and pulled her down beside him. Before she could stop him, he pinned her underneath himself. They were both breathing hard, staring wide-eyed at each other. Her heart beat wildly against his chest and his heart was doing the same. He knew it wasn’t from exertion. He hadn’t been this close to her before and the temptation to have his way with her surprised him. He stood in one quick movement and helped her up.
“You’re improving,” he said.
She shook the leaves from her hair and off of her skirt. “I think you let me win.”
“Or maybe I was distracted.”
She gave him a quick kiss and started to run. With his longer legs, he easily caught up to her and swung her around by the waist. She tried to slip away from him, but he tightened his hold on her. She sucked in a breath. Was she afraid? He knew he was. His feelings for her were deepening, growing stronger, and he wasn’t sure what to do with them. He was the prince of Teleria and she was a Baraca girl of sixteen. It didn’t matter that they shared a mysterious heart connection. His father would never understand.
“Arathor, I love you.”
He almost blurted out the same words, but held himself in check. He didn’t know what the future held, and he had his obligations.
She looked up at him through her dark lashes and despite his reservations, he let himself give in to desire, taking the hungry kisses she freely offered. She pressed closer and he wrapped his arms around her, loving the way her softness pressed against him. He let his lips trail down her neck and onto her shoulder. She gave him a playful shove and started to run again.
He watched her go until she was over the closest rise, then went after her. When he came to the top of the ridge, he stopped, shocked to see her transform into a young girl. Before he could make sense of what was happening, a warrior on horseback bore down on her and scooped her up. The girl screamed and clawed at his eyes. He struck her across the face and she went limp in his arms.
Finally able to move, Arathor ran after them, yelling at the top of his lungs. The warrior spun his horse around to face him. Arathor drew his sword. The warrior’s gray eyes surveyed him as a cruel smile crossed his scarred face.
“You will lose everything.”
22 comments:
Super intense dream! I loved it! If you hadn't said he was dreaming, I would have thought this was a regular in-real-life kind of scene.
KM, thanks. that's one of those things i'm trying to figure out - since i have several dreams, how to let my readers know they're dreams without using italics (which i find hard to read if the scene is too long).
Hi that's a great scene!
Although I agree with KM that it's kind of hard to figure out it's a dream.
ps. instead of italics, you can let things fade in and out, let him want to move but somehow unable to, let the scene jump slightly from one moment to the next.
Yeah, wow! I wouldn't have known that was a dream until she transformed into a young girl.
Very intense. Hubba hubba, Arathor!
Great writing . Dang girl I always feel so voyeuristic like I should be looking away covering my eyes :)
How intriguing! Tessa provided good ideas. Dreams always do weird transitions and strange things, so maybe just a little more of that.
Have fun on your trip!
Oh, well done, Michelle! Intense and passionate. I agree, it's hard to communicate a dream sequence. That's probably why I don't have any in my work. LOL.
Enjoy the Glen Eyrie retreat. Sounds fab!
Yeah, that was intense. I dislike being redundant, but I thought the same thing; didn't feel like a dream at all.
But if its transitions as a dream or vision just before and just after this scene, it will work well.
With such a vivid dream, I'd imagine Arathor will be obsessed in not letting it come true. Good plot set up.
..........dhole
Definitely didn't read like a dream at all. Nicely done!
Hi, Michelle! I just want you to know that I am praying for you to have a wonderful, restful, inspiring, rejuvenating time at your writer's retreat.
Love ya,
Christine
thanks for all the great comments.
I'm a follower, but my pic doesn't stay put. :(
This was a great scene, confusing I must say since things took for a sudden turn when she runs down the hill and transforms. But I guess that's the charm of dreams? Great piece!! ;)
Ooh that was so cool. I love symbolic people in dreams. That final sentence just punches it home. Great job!
An intense dream scene. I felt for both of your characters. One bound by duty and the other, I think, more than she appears at first glance.
Dreams are great. This one was an excellent example.
Very intriguing scene and great foreshadowing. Ended on an ominous note, which I absolutely love in writing. ;-)
I don't think there's anything wrong with a dream sequence that feels like a memory or a real scene, and sometimes it even serves a good purpose for the character not to realize it isn't actually happening. As long as the reader is clued in somewhere, I think it works just fine!! Although, the one thing that gave me trouble was that she's a 16 year old girl, and then you describe her as transforming into a young girl-- Maybe a little girl would be better? or a child? Since she's already kind of young, it doesn't seem like much of a transformation the way it is worded right now, to me-- but that could just be me, also. :)
Thanks for participating!!
Very intense scene. Visceral and descriptive, it really pulled me in. :)
I love sword fights, and this dream was ubber intense. Nice job.
That was so vivid, and I like that I think he is in a fight at first, but it's just a little fun!
<3 Kelsey Leigh
Hmm...dreaming of chasing women...never head of such a thing. ;)
Nice. Almost too real tho.
Well done. I do agree that if you hadn't said it was a dream, I wouldn't have known such. Since the sleep part and the waking part are not present in this particular post. It is well written either way.
My upcoming fantasy Dreamers gets to focus on dreams quite a bit too, since the dreams turn out to be real. ;) Great scene, great pic, and sounds like a great trip! Have fun.
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