September 7, 2011
here i am, willing myself to write a brilliant "First Post" for the first day of the Insecure Writers blog hop and i can think of nothing brilliant to say. everything i've come up with is drivel. just like my fiction of late. so i'm just going to let it be what it is and hope it's encouraging drivel.
i haven't been able to write much of anything for the last few months. not that i haven't tried. i have a sequel to my first fantasy novel in the works. i want to finish so i can share it with people who've been waiting for it for months, and some of them for 4 years. i've made countless attempts at working on it. and they've mostly come to nothing.
and i know exactly why.
for the past year, we've been getting our house ready to sell so we can move to Montana. yeah, i think there might be some stress there. and i've discovered that stress makes the creative side of my brain go into a nosedive.
of course, it didn't help that on top of the move, i gave myself a deadline. i wanted to get the sequel out before we moved so i could have a release party with my friends here. plus i didn't want to let down my waiting readers.
it's kind of crazy when i think about it now. one of the main reasons i self-publish is that i don't like deadlines. they're just another form of stress. but i did it to myself anyway and that, added to the stress of getting the house ready and thinking about the move and all it would entail sent me into a "crash and burn" nosedive.
i don't like crashing and burning.
thankfully i pulled out of the nosedive before i crashed. to do that i had to let some things go. i let go of my self-imposed deadline. my friends will just have to wait. and i let go of writing anything for the sequel. *i* would just have to wait.
it wasn't easy. letting go of writing felt like i was losing part of myself. not working on the sequel felt like failure. but i couldn't keep going down the path of crashing. for the good of my health and my sanity and my family's sanity, i made the decision to concentrate only on the move.
you should have heard the sigh of relief from my family. happy mom = happy family.
letting go is what i've had to do with this post. i gave up the notion that i would say something brilliant and tried to focus on something encouraging. but here i am at the end and i still want to wrap it up with something brilliant.
instead, i will stop editing this to death and say -
when stress comes at you, give yourself permission to stop writing and just let life be what it is.
of course, if you're under a contract or you're trying to meet a deadline, this might not work. maybe one of the other posts from the insecure writers group will help. hop on over to Alex's blog for the list of participants.