June 30, 2010

it's a fight (or a bicker)

Kristen over at Take It As It Comes is hosting the Bickering Blogfest today. rather than post something from Blackheart, i thought i'd post a scene from my chick lit from a few years back, First Comes Love. it's 3rd draft stuff, so it's still a little rough.

to set up the scene, Andee is falling for Nate, but he's had so many failed romances that she's trying to protect his heart by telling him she just wants to be friends. after eating at the Cold Stone Creamery, she's explained how she feels and he's trying to talk her out of it. also, she's going to do some comparing here to her old boyfriend, Stuart.

“Nate, I was going to take a chance with you,” I said, “but now that I know your story, I can’t put you through that. I can’t ask you to risk –”

Whoa. This guy didn’t kiss like Stuart at all.

Stuart’s kisses were always restrained and controlled; Nate's kisses were playful and teasing – and a little unpredictable.

Stuart always kept his mouth closed; Nate covered my mouth with his and started to explore. If he kept this up, he was going to have to ask for an explorer’s permit.

Stuart always restricted his kisses to my lips; when Nate had finished with my mouth, he worked his way across my cheek and over to my ear. Sensations I didn’t know were possible crashed through me. If I hadn’t been on the ground, I would have fallen over.

Stuart never kissed in public; Nate and I were in front of a theater, under the lights.

No way. Maybe he didn’t care about kissing in a public space, but I sure did. I pulled away before I could embarrass myself any further.

When I stood and looked down at him, the lights showed a very confused Nate.

“I can’t…,” I stuttered. “I won’t… I knew this was a bad idea.”

I started to stomp away but Nate sprang up and grabbed my arm, spinning me around so fast that I thought I was going to lose my ice cream.

“Andee, you can’t just walk away after saying something like that.”

When I’d recovered from the dizziness, I wouldn’t look up at him. I knew too well how he would affect my brain. “I was trying to tell you something and you interrupted me.”

“I didn’t like where the conversation was going.”

Now I was angry enough to keep my resolve. But I don’t kiss in public and I don’t argue in public. I took his hand (ignoring the zing that still danced between us) and pulled him to a more private area between buildings. The shadows gave me the advantage of not having to look at him. Just to make sure I was going to keep my resolve, I crossed my arms.

“So when you don’t like what you’re hearing, you interrupt with a kiss?” I asked.

“It was only a kiss, Andee. What’s the big deal?”

“First, I take my kisses seriously. And second, I’m uncomfortable with kissing in public.”

“Haven’t you ever wanted to let go and live a little?”

“That wasn’t living. That was exposing me to embarrassment.”

My eyes had adjusted to the dark enough that I could see him put up his hands in surrender. “Sorry to offend you, your highness.”

If I could see his hands going up, he’d be able to see my royal scowl. “The point is –” knave - "I don’t know what’s in my future.”

“So everything has to be planned out to the end for you?”

“It’s the way I am."

“How can you predict the future?”

“How can you not think about the future after what you've been through with Erin and Carrie?”

For a second, he looked like I’d slapped him. “I’m not going to look back and ask ‘what if?’”

“You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

“Stop thinking for me, Andee.”

“I’m ready to go home.”

“And stop changing the subject.”

“At least I don’t use a kiss to change the subject.”

(and if you love blogfests and can stand to do one more, there's mine coming up tomorrow-- the Share Your Darlings Blogfest.)


Andrew Rosenberg said...

Gotta love a character named Andee :)
Nate needs to kiss some sense into her...cause the way she's action she might as well go back to Stuart.
Why do women try to protect other's hearts? It's a losing game...
Nice job!

Talei said...

Ooh I agree with Nate - live a little Andee! Great scene, enjoyed the dialogue and felt her awkwardness at kissing in public. Nicely done! ;)

Donna Hole said...

Nice; always love a good kiss scene. Very vivid characters.


Valerie said...

Great ending, and good illustration of character. Sometimes it's tough for people to let others make up their own minds. Makes me wonder if she's covering up her own insecurities instead.

stu said...

For obvious reasons, I find myself rooting for this Stuart bloke. I like the way neither character quite gets the other here, just fueling the argument.

Michelle Gregory said...

Andrew, you're so right. kiss that girl some more.

Talei, Nate is the perfect person to help her live a little.

Donna, so do i. i write a lot of them.

Stu, ha ha. he's actually more controlling than she is. she needs to seriously get away from him.

Valerie, she's covering up big time.

Kristen said...

I loved your entry. The tension was great. I agree with Nate, Andee should loosen up (but at the same time I can see Andee's side of it too (how she wants to protect him). Thank you for participating!

L'Aussie said...

Comparing kisses. Nate or Stuart? Sensitive at the same time. I like Andee..:)

Michelle Gregory said...

Kristen (oops, missed you in there), you're welcome. fun stuff.

L'Aussie, maybe she's a little to cerebral, but it was a fun way to do a kissing scene, something i've never read before.

elizabeth mueller said...

One time I was kissing my boyfriend and accidentally sighed out my ex's name... *Oops!!!

Nice post!

I can sense the readers' irritation with Andee.

Francine said...


Absolutely adore bickering scenes, and great friction here!

Adds a bit of spice to a novel or short story.