August 29, 2011

the good, the bad, and an abandoned Star Wars story

bad lines. we all write them. here are some from my currently-on-hold sequel that i felt like sharing. i wanted to use these to start a bad-lines blogfest or blog hop or whatever, but don't have the time, so if someone wants to run with it, that's fine with me. i think it would be fun. let me know so i can at least throw these in.

--The satisfaction the commander felt in seeing his enemies fall back over the second bridge was satisfying.
--He felt his spell of invisibility fall of him like a cloak.
--she had no idea where they were, only that she could see light somewhere in the distance, piercing the heavy darkness that had pressed in around them. not even the torches lining the walls had pushed back the darkness that had pressed in around them.
--the second level of the city was far less defendable than the first level.
--Silver light glinted off the towers that stood over the courtyard, blinding their eyes with its silver light.
--Lightning struck his enemies, throwing them into the air like chaff and then they fell back to the ground.

and then i had these good lines that popped into my head. guess i was a little macabre that day. my kids and crit partner helped with some of these.

--Jenna Malone had never killed anyone – unless it was necessary. Unfortunately, today was one of those days.
--Jenna Malone never killed anyone on an empty stomach.
--Jenna Malone had never killed anyone – at least not that that she could remember.
--Jenna Malone never killed on Tuesdays. Today would be the exception.
--Jenna Malone never killed anyone before noon.
--Jenna Malone had never killed anyone, except her husband.

if one of these catches your attention, go for it. just let me read what you come up with and give me some credit.

now here's the Star Wars story i started with one of them, but it's sitting in my computer, abandoned for now. (this was back a few years ago when i'd finished reading a series of stories with my son about the Clones. it took place between the movies Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. there was a lot of Star Wars trivia floating around in my brain.) and forgive the funny spacing. blogger hates me today.

My name is Jenna Malone. I’ve never killed on an empty stomach. Today is going to be the exception. It’s not that I enjoy killing. It’s a job – just like herding nerfs or working in Kuat drive yards or mining tabana gas. And I don’t always kill. Most of my bounties either give themselves up or slot themselves before I can subdue them.

But there are those few, the ones who just don’t want to be captured. And they’re too courageous or stupid to take the easy way out, so they open fire and then I have to pull out my deece and end things the hard way. Either way, I still get my bounty and that’s all that matters.

But this time… this time it’s personal.

I clench my fists so hard that I can feel my nails digging into my palms and I think I’ve drawn blood. I ignore the blood and the pain. Nothing matters now but revenge.

I watch the group of Mandalorians that just came into the cantina. There are five of them, two short, two tall, and one female. Under their helmets, I can’t tell what race they are but it doesn’t matter. A Mandalorian is a Mandalorian.

again, if you want to use this, let me know. i'd love to see what you come up with. maybe i'll finish it myself someday.

and here's one more i found.

I should have known he was dangerous. The steely glint in his eye should have been my first clue. And if I ignored that, the 2 blasters he tossed onto the chair in the corner should have warned me. But I’m stupid. I like dangerous men. That’s my only excuse for marrying a scoundrel like…

that one could be fun too.

alas, i must return to my work.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The spell of invisibility falling like a cloak made me laugh out loud! Sometimes we re-read those kind of lines and wonder what we were thinking.

Jennifer @ Studio JRU said...

Too fun! Working through the bad lines help make way for all those good ones! :)

amycloud said...

I enjoyed my visit to your blog. Congratulations on the book also. blessings.