August 25, 2010

Rainy Day Blogfest

can you hear it?




it's the Rainy Day Blogfest, hosted by the lovely Christine Hardy (writing friend of many years), over at her blog The Writer's Hole.

here's my entry from First Comes Love - an inspirational chick lit book that's on hold. technically, i'm supposed to be sharing a scene that has rain in it. i admit there's not much rain, but it's the only rainy scene i have in any of my stories. the story is written in Andee's point of view.

(for another scene from this novel, read my "It's a Fight -or a Bicker" post. )

here's the scene set-up: Andee and Nate have known each other for a few weeks. He’s a photographer and he’s offered to teach her how to get a start in photography. She’s not sure what she thinks of him because of his earring, long hair, and tattoos, but she wants to learn photography, so she’s put aside her stuff and is on a “date” with him near the Superstition Mountains outside of Phoenix. It’s just started raining.

Just then I heard a rumble of thunder. I jumped and banged my knee on the table. The noise didn’t make Nate flinch at all. He kept taking pictures and whistling, even when it started to sprinkle. How could he be so oblivious to what was going on? It finally took a sudden downpour to get his attention.

Nate tucked the camera and tripod under his arm and quickly made his way to where I was sitting. He shook the rain out of his hair and set the camera on the table. Then, as if I weren’t even there, he lifted his shirt over his head. I let out an involuntary shriek.

Why had he gone and done that? Didn’t he know that seeing his very masculine … whatever…was too much information?

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“You…” Before I could scold him for his lack of propriety, I got a better look at the tattoo. That’s when I shrieked on purpose.

“What is it with the shrieking?”

“You have a naked woman on your arm!”

He lowered one sly eyebrow. “She’s covered.”

“With a boa constrictor – and just barely.”

“What’s the big deal?”

“It’s a little…shocking.”

He ran his hand over the woman, like they were friends or something. I was wondering if he’d named her. “And you’re thinking a Christian shouldn’t have…this on his arm.”

I hissed through my teeth. “Never mind.”

“C’mon. What’s wrong?”

“I never should have brought it up. What you do with your body is your business.”

I turned around to look at the rain dripping off of the ramada’s roof. Then I heard Nate sit behind me.

“I admit I’m prejudiced,” I said. “One of my goofy hang-ups.”

“I hardly notice it anymore.”

I whipped myself around to glare at him. “Notice what? My goofy hang-ups?”

He grinned. “No, I hardly notice the tattoo anymore. I forget that it’s there.”

“Why did you get it in the first place?”

“My cousin and I had a bet going about who could get the most tattoos in six months.”

“Isn’t that kind of juvenile?”

He quirked his mouth into an odd smile. “Of course it was. We were right out of high school.”

“Well – who won?”


“Who won the bet?”

“Calvin did. He has them on both arms.”

“What about the earring?”

He fingered the small gold hoop in his earlobe. “I got this pierced after I became a Christian.”

I was going to ask why, but I didn’t want to know.

“And the hair?” I asked.

He let his hair down so it could dry. It came down to his shoulders. He was the only guy I’d met with long hair. Despite my hang-ups, I was tempted to reach across the table and see what it felt like. I folded my hands in my lap to keep them out of trouble.

“It’s for one of my other jobs.” I knew this was going to be good. “Every spring, I’m part of the security team for the Renaissance Fair.”

“And you dress up?”

“Usually I’m a pirate.”

“So you’re a Jack Sparrow wannabe?”

He pulled his shirt back over his head. Part of me (probably the untapped vixen part) was sorry to see him covered up.

I was hopeless.


Brenda Drake said...

I can feel how nervous your MC is. She's totally struggling with her beliefs. Shriek is an echo word in the piece, so maybe change the one that he says to something that means the same thing. Thunder rumbling wouldn't frighten her, I think. Maybe use a more immediate word like cracked or something to give reason for it scaring her. That's all I saw. Totally want to know more about these characters. Great scene!

Summer Ross said...

This was a fun read. thanks for posting. my favorite line: "Why had he gone and done that? Didn’t he know that seeing his very masculine … whatever…was too much information?"

Tessa Conte said...

I like it! You have a great writing voice, I sort of floated along your words whilst reading...brilliant! And why oh why on hold? It sounds great to me.

Is it supposed to be an inspirational kind of book or is the mention of Christianity relevant in some other way?

Nicole Murray said...

I love how he'd so relaxed-comfortable about himself and she is such a prude (I have forgotten some people find those things offensive) about 'everything'. Although I am hard pressed to call them 'dating' from what we see in this scene and the rain is a small bit to the entry, I enjoyed the characters back and forth. It should be fun to watch the two get to the 'dating' part of their relationship--if they do.

Thank you for sharing.

Michelle Gregory said...

Brenda - thanks for stopping by.

Summer - i like that line too.

Tessa - yes it's inspirational. i added that to the post. on hold because i have other projects more pressing and though i like this, i like my fantasy books more. also, i need a "real" problem for Andee and haven't found it yet.

Michelle Gregory said...

Nicole, it's the only rainy day scene i have in any of my stories, and i think it might just be an excuse for him to take off his shirt.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Michelle: Brenda Drake is right on the money with her comments, the only thing I can add is - 6th paragraph from the bottom. Suddenly we are thrust into "his" headspace - was this conscious? Then again, it is just a snippet and that's why it stick out.

Aside from the above I can't find any fault here. You know how to write clean. Thanks for letting me read.

Eric W. Trant said...

Pure fun, that piece, the prude and the bad-boy-come-to-God collide, one in touch with his inner goodness, the other out-of-touch with her inner badness.

- Eric

Michelle Gregory said...

Wendy -it's still 2nd or 3rd draft material, but thanks for pointing that out so i can fix it and thanks for reading.

Eric - "out of touch with her inner badness" - i like that.

stu said...

I like the way this gives a lot of information about one of the characters without particularly seeming to.

RaShelle said...

Michelle - this was great! I love how he's sexy and calm. And how you show she's a wild cat on the fringe of escape. Excellent. You know she's gonna pounce. LOL

Michelle Gregory said...

Stu - i'd never thought of it that way.

RaShelle - "a wild cat on the fringe of escape." i like that. i might even use that.

E. Arroyo said...

I like the way you describe him without the checklist. I like her voice too! Keeps me reading. Great job.

Babydoll said...

I like it. He's hot and she's trying to get used to the idea of a hot Christian. I have friends like that. lol Good work!

Michelle Gregory said...

E.A. - she's fun to write.

Babydoll - i'm married to a hot Christian.

Damyanti said...

Great to watch opposites collide. hope you take this out of hold soon.

Ju Dimello said...

Wow, Lots of interesting titbits about the H/h through out.. Like how she is attracted. Also the fact that he was a wild kid once..and admits his past mistakes too ;)
Loved the dynamics..and can't wait to see where it will lead.

laurel said...

I can see a deep conflict here for Andee--that she believes faith is largely about keeping up appearances. But that leads her to be Pharisaical and prudish and unable to see the real good in others--and that her judgmental nature is actually much more sinful than the surface things she judges in others.

You'd mentioned having trouble moving ahead on this piece, needing a "real" problem, but it's right there. Or were you meaning you also need an exterior conflict in addition to the interior one? Perhaps something that transforms her exterior and makes people judge her on appearances would wake her up to this tendency in herself. Just an idea.

Michelle Gregory said...

Damyanti - other projects in the works right now. it will probably be next year.

Ju- thanks.

Laurel - yes, a bigger exterior problem than what she has now, and related more to whatever needs to change in her. i hadn't figured out what until recently.

jcmartinfighterwriter said...

Ooh, Nate sounds scrumptious! Such well-sritten interactions and inner dialogue! I loved this one: "He let his hair down so it could dry. It came down to his shoulders. He was the only guy I’d met with long hair. Despite my hang-ups, I was tempted to reach across the table and see what it felt like. I folded my hands in my lap to keep them out of trouble."

How may times have I done the same in the presence of a gorgeous man? ;)

Loved the entry!

Michelle Gregory said...

JC - thanks. i like that line, too. and thanks for following. you got me to an even 100.

Christine H said...

Very cute and catchy, Michelle. I'd love to see Nick in his Jack Sparrow costume!

I like the way you captured both characters so well in such a short piece. Bravo!